“I need to put my kids carrots on a separate plate or they’re gonna cry.” “My kids will cry if they have bananas on their PBJ’s.” “We should definitely go on a hike… just be prepared because my kids are going to cry because it’s cold.”
And so it continued during our four days at the cabin in Tennessee. We had an INCREDIBLE time, but I found myself saying “my kids are gonna cry” so many times that I joked we should start keeping a running tally. As we made the long drive home, I thought about our time at the cabin and how our friends’ kids seemed so much more flexible than our kids.
And I don’t usually compare our family to other families, but being flexible is one of our self-proclaimed family values. And in that moment, I realized that we were failing miserably at teaching our kids to be flexible. I always buy them the exact kind of peanut butter that they like and just the right toothpaste, etc etc etc.
So, since we’ve been home from Tennessee, we’ve been working on being flexible. And I’m happy to report that we are making baby steps in the right direction. Lia actually ate carrots one day without ranch dressing. You might not understand the gravity of that situation, but this girl is our most demanding, it-has-to-be-exactly-my-way kid, so this felt like a huge win! Max wore his slip on shoes when he couldn’t find his favorite tennis shoes and we were running late to school. And Ava ate something other than peanut butter crackers for a snack for the first time in months when I was a couple days late getting to the store.
Make no mistake, I totally realize that these examples are slightly ridiculous. But we’re going to keep working on being flexible so that when we go to the beach with our friends over spring break, I don’t have to say “my kids are gonna cry” at all… because they will know how to be flexible. In case you’re wondering exactly how we’re going about teaching flexibility, here’s our gameplan (P.S. this works great for instilling any value, not just flexibility!):
1. Be intentional. We believe that being flexible is important, so we actually made it one of our family values. And then when we realized how much we were failing at being flexible (well, at teaching our kids how to be flexible), we made a conscious decision to work on it.
2. Talk about it and use the right terminology. We actually told our kids that we wanted them to be more flexible and then we explained to them exactly what we mean when we say ‘being flexible’. Sometimes kids have a different idea of what something means! But it doesn’t stop there. We talk about being flexible everyday. And every time an opportunity arises in which our kids need to be flexible, we label it so.
3. Model the behavior and praise them when they get it right. We try to practice flexibility ourselves and point out situations in which we are being flexible when they happen. We also praise them when they are flexible. And the next time they don’t want to be flexible, we remind them of their past successes.
4. Keep at it. Just like with anything parenting related, you have to be consistent and keep with it. Values like flexibility or kindness don’t instill themselves in kids (or adults!) overnight. It takes practice and hard work. But if it’s something you believe in, it’s totally worth it!
What family value are you working on right now? We’d love to know! If you have other tips to share, please leave us a comment below!
