We talk a lot in our house. Like a lot. And one of the things that I’ve started becoming more aware of is the kind of things that we’re saying. And I’ve noticed that there are certain phrases that I say often that aren’t necessarily in line with reality. The one I’ve heard myself saying the most is
“We can’t afford that.”
Now obviously there are things we can’t afford… and by we, I mean our family, but I also mean all of us. Let’s face it, most of us will never own a yacht or live in a mansion or have a 4 carat diamond ring. So I’m not saying that we should never say we can’t afford something.
But the reality is, we probably could afford that (whatever ‘that’ may be in the moment), but we choose not to spend our money on it. We’re being intentional about how we spend our money and it’s high time we let our kids in on that! We could afford to buy a nicer car, but we’d rather spend that money on a family trip. We could afford to go out on a fancy dinner date once a week, but we’d rather get a burrito at Chipotle and spend our money on organic foods for our family.
So, I’m trying to be intentional about making sure my kids understand the difference between ‘we can’t afford that’ and ‘we choose not to spend our money on that’. Because that’s what it comes down to. Here are the three things we’re trying to say instead of ‘we can’t afford that’:
1. “That’s not a good value for our money.” I would LOVE to take my kids on a fancy vacation, but it’s not a good value for our money. We could afford to do it if we saved up for many years, but I’d rather spend that money to go on 15 trips than spend it all on one. If we magically had a lot more money, I think that would change my answer pretty quickly… but for now, we’ll keep stretching our travel dollars by road tripping around the country and staying with friends.
2. “That’s not something we value spending our money on.” I’m not a fan of fancy things… I don’t have a designer purse or designer shoes or fancy dishes or a fancy car. Some people are very happy to have fancy things… and if you fall into that category, awesome for you! The key is figuring out what you value and then spending your money accordingly. As a family, we’ve decided that we value good health, traveling, adventuring, spending time together as a family, etc. So when the Max mentioned how much he wanted a Nintendo DSI last year, it was a very easy conversation to have because we don’t value sitting in front of a screen… we value family time. And this Christmas, he pointed out how much it would cost to buy an Xbox-whatever-the-latest-one-is and said without prompting that he’d rather spend our money on a family trip than a video game. Yahoo!
3. “We need to start saving.” When we first started talking to our kids about going to Europe for an extended trip, they couldn’t understand why we had to wait so long. This was a couple years ago, but we’re now less than a year from leaving! One of the things we had to explain to them (and we’re still working on it!) is the fact that we don’t have a magic money tree. We have to work and save our money, just like everyone else. We are very fortunate that we get to do a lot of things without having to save for years to make it happen. But we really wanted the kids to understand what it means to want something, save for it for a long time, and (eventually) get it. So we’re saving for Europe.
So I want to know… is there something else you tell your kids besides ‘we can’t afford it’? I’d love to have a couple more options in my back pocket! And I’d love to hear what you’re saving for!
