Reframe Your Expectations

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. See the above picture? It was taken right after dinner. A dinner that was filled with:

• Ava talking like a baby even though she’s 7 years old and only does it at home even though it’s the most annoying thing ever.
• Max complaining that mom burnt the chicken, then refusing to eat it.
• Lia spending more time taking care of her baby doll than eating, even though we have the rule of no toys at the table. And that doesn’t stop her from doing it, which causes us to fuss at her more than we should because she’s not eating.
• A frustrated mommy because she did in fact burn the chicken. But it wasn’t her fault. I didn’t clean the grill and we hadn’t used it in 4 months because we ran out of propane and I never went to exchange out our propane tank for a new one. The grill was full of junk in the bottom that caught fire and scorched the chicken (organic chicken, I might add)
• Ava had to poop, twice, during dinner alone.
• Numerous, “Stay in your seats.” were uttered, frustrated looks from mom and dad were shared across the table, and sighs of insanity were uttered as well.

My point is this. I’m sure your family dinners look the same. Complaining about vegetables again. We didn’t cook something just the way they like it. Running around the table instead of just sitting still for a few minutes and enjoying a family dinner together. I know I’ve always had these grand ideas of what a family dinner looks like. It involves no toys, people eating, and conversing about what awesome things we did throughout the day. Chatting about what was good, bad and what they’re hoping changes tomorrow. Learning about what the kids are doing in school. All that stuff. But it’s hard to get to that stuff when dinner time is chaos. I know there’s someone out there reading this and nodding their head in agreement.

Well, while I don’t have any solutions to your problems, know this. You are not alone. I do have some advice, though, because family dinners might not be exactly like you pictured, but what I left out of my little bullet point list is this. Between the frustrations/complaining/baby talk, there was a LOT of laughter. The kids eventually ate, even though it took 3 times as long as it should have. The kids come up with all sorts of games and crack each other up. I’m sure I made some comment that had the kids bursting in laughter and Jenny gave me that look she gives me when she thinks I’m crazy (which I see quite often).

Here’s my advice. It’s as simple as this. Reframe your expectations. I realized my family is so imperfectly perfect it’s beautiful. Our family dinners aren’t perfect, but it’s time spent together, and time spent with my family is perfect, always. Even through the mess and the chaos and the frustration, I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone’s. I realized I’d created these unrealistic expectations of what a family dinner looked like, and when real life doesn’t match up with those expectations, that’s when disappointment, voices being raised and frustration comes in to play.

Expectations create more drama than they do good, and I’m sure having unmet expectations has added drama in my life in other situations besides family dinner. Family outings, vacations, beach trips. I get these ideas in my head about how situations will play out, not realizing that life is WAY better when you just let it happen naturally. Reframing my expectations has helped me find joy in situations that would’ve led to anger.

The next time you find yourself feeling frustrated around your family, remove yourself from the situation (if possible), take a few deep breaths to calm down, and think about why you’re frustrated. Is there expectations that aren’t being met causing an issue? Are you missing out on some amazing times because your ideas about how things are supposed to happen just aren’t happening that way?